The Feeling I Know All Too Well
by NotSus
Summary: Pansy is unfortunately in love with Hermione.


Rated M to be safe.

* * *

Pansy Parkinson tossed and turned violently in her sleep. She was having one of those dreams again. Those dreams when in the present mentally satisfied her but when gone left her with sadness and another fresh wound in her heart which could only be attributed to unrequited love. She woke up with tears in her eyes and the familiar burning lust flowing through her body; a normal morning, to say the most. Pansy thought she should feel grateful for having the dreams she did – better than Draco's, anyway. Ever since he had gotten the death mark burned into his arm he had started dreaming about nothing other than Voldemort; Voldemort reinforcing what he would do to Draco if he failed. Yes, Pansy should be very grateful for the dreams she has been having. But it just wasn't that easy.

How could she have fallen in love with someone she utterly loathed? How could she have known that her hateful remarks about the girl were actually remarks filled with hidden jealousy and desire? And most of all, how could she have fallen in love with Hermione Granger, of all people?

Pansy wasn't lying to herself anymore. When she saw Hermione walking along the halls or enthusiastically raising her hand in class she didn't attribute the stirred up feeling inside of her to hatred anymore. But it had been going on for too long, and Pansy wasn't sure if she could take it much longer. Every move the bushy-haired girl made fed the fire burning inside Pansy's heart. Pansy told herself that Hermione was a mudblood, a Gryffindor, and a know-it-all, but those simple things were thrown aside whenever Hermione walked into the room. It was getting to be too much. Pansy couldn't let Hermione make her feel this way and not pay for it.

"Professor Snape, I think I need Potions tutoring."

The Professor looked up from his desk at the Slytherin, whom stayed after class to ask him this seemingly appalling question. Her face was red and flushed, and her hands were fidgeting with the cover of her Potions book. It was obvious that she was nervous about something, and Snape assumed it was because she was a proud girl asking for help.

"I have noticed your grades declining lately, Ms. Parkinson," Snape drawled slowly, "but I have no time for tutoring. Perhaps if you just study harder." He turned back down to his desk.

"No! No." She started vehemently. "I…was wondering if maybe another student would tutor me?"

Snape stared at her for a moment. "Draco is not doing much better either."

"Oh." She seemed unsure of how to go on. "Maybe…Granger could do it?"

Snape's eyes widened slightly and he said, "Granger?"

"Yes. I mean, well, she is a prat but she is doing well. The know-it-all mudblood." She spat rudely, almost unconvincingly. Snape looked to the door to see if he would have to scold her because of her language but no one was there, so he replied with a "Fine. I will ask her tomorrow." And Pansy felt a leap of hope in a heart which was previously full of sinking despair.

"He wants you to do WHAT?" Ron yelped at a sad looking Hermione facing the fireplace in the Gryffindor common room.

"I told you Ronald," Hermione replied without taking her eyes off of the fireplace. "Snape wants me to tutor Parkinson. And I don't know what her plot is behind this, but she has only been torturing me from the moment I met her. This is just another ploy to taunt me somehow, I'm sure of it." She sighed.

"So just tell him you can't," Harry said simply, shrugging and too looking at the ever mesmerizing fireplace.

"You know I can't do that," Hermione whispered, burying her head in her hands. "What if she really does need help? We can't let this House rivalry go on forever. Especially in times like these, where we need to come together."

"Hermione, will you stop taking advice from the Sorting Hat?" Ron scowled as he paced behind her. "Do you want to be called 'mudblood' and 'know-it-all' all the time? She yells mean things at you constantly! Nearly as much as Malfoy does to Harry."

"Although he hasn't been, lately," Harry said, with a puzzled look on his face. "Seems kind of …quiet."

"Suspicious," Ron pondered.

"Before you two start up another conspiracy theory, I'm going to bed," Hermione said, smiling slightly. She made her way up to her dorm and before going to bed and owled Snape a concise "Yes" on a piece of parchment. Little did she know what she was getting herself into.

Pansy laid back in her bed, panting. She had just finished "thinking" about Hermione and their study session tomorrow; Hermione sultrily sucking on a quill as she explained something to Pansy, Hermione sitting next to her and resting her hand on Pansy's thigh, Hermione punishing Pansy by throwing her down on the stone floor after she incorrectly answered a question.

If the fantasies alone made her feel this way, Hermione up close and personal might be too much for the Slytherin to handle. She would have to keep calm, cool, and collected tomorrow. Definitely not letting herself get lost in the kind brown eyes or become intoxicated by the movement of Hermione's lips. No, she couldn't let herself feel vulnerable, at all, especially in front of a Gryffindor mudblood.

"Wish me luck," Hermione said nervously to Harry and Ron as she left for the Potions classroom. Ron tilted his head and gave a small smile and Harry shot her a warning look, as if to say "Remember Parkinson is a Slytherin." Deep down Hermione felt pity for Pansy, even though she had taunted her throughout the past six years at Hogwarts. Pity, because she didn't seem to have anyone that loved her, and pity because after she graduated from Hogwarts she would probably have nothing.

Hermione made her way to the classroom, hoping she wasn't late. She ended up right on time, but Pansy didn't come until ten minutes later.

"You're late." Hermione said when the Slytherin walked in.

"Yeah. What's it to you, Granger?"

"I just thought since I'm taking time out of my schedule to _help _you, you might as well be considerate and show up on time!" Hermione shot at Pansy, perhaps a little too bitterly.

Pansy made a small noise of rebuttal and sat down next to Hermione.

Hermione found this unexpected seating arrangement strange, and moved awkwardly to the other side of the table. "Now, let's talk about the Expeditious Potion," she said in a professional manner. Pansy swallowed and kept her eyes on Hermione as she was explaining the potion to her; Hermione got very animated and kind of excited as she was talking about the potion, probably something unbeknownst to her. It was that passion for knowledge that made Hermione so special.

And as she talked, her lips became moister with saliva. Pansy found it hard to concentrate on anything else, and tried to get her head to nod periodically to show that she was paying attention. Hermione was so caught up in explaining the potion that she didn't notice that Pansy's attention wasn't on Potions at all. Being so close to Hermione, Pansy could see the little ink stains on her deft fingers, and how tender the skin looked on her face. And that soft hair… It was almost painful to sit this close to the girl and not be able to caress that skin or run her fingers through that hair. In fact, Pansy was very much in pain right now. It was getting harder and harder to restrain herself.

Finally, Hermione announced that that was probably all for today, and that they would pick up next week. She packed up all her books into her bag and headed for the door. Pansy made to follow, and then said loudly, "Hermione."

Hermione was kind of alarmed at this because she had never heard Pansy say her first name before. It was always "Granger" or "mudblood". She turned around and slightly cocked an eyebrow. Pansy made her way towards Hermione, breathing a little heavily. She looked intense, and Hermione looked a little worried when she saw this. It sort of looked like she was under the Imperius Curse. And she was; her own, mental Imperius Curse.

In one fast move, Pansy shoved Hermione up against the cold stone wall and pushed her lips passionately up against the Gryffindor's. Hermione's book bag spilt its contents on the floor, and she didn't even notice. Pansy wrapped one arm around Hermione and pulled her as close as would allow, curves meeting curves, and her other hand held Hermione's wrist forcefully up against the wall. Pansy's blood was pumping through her veins so quickly that her whole body felt like it was on fire. Hermione was so shocked for those first few seconds that she didn't realize exactly what was going on, but when she did, she immediately pushed away Pansy with the hand that wasn't pinned to the wall.

"What the bloody hell are you doing?" Hermione burst out, an incredulous and scandalized look on her face. Somewhere in the back of Pansy's mind she realized sardonically that the girl sounded like Weasley when she said that. It was what happened when you spent a lot of time with a person; you start to pick up on their personal mannerisms.

Pansy growled at this thought as she grabbed the back of Hermione's head and pulled it to meet her own. Hermione's free hand went to push her away but Pansy grabbed it and held it against the wall as well. Pansy pulled away and looked Hermione deeply in the eyes, saddened and angry to see that the other girl's windows to the soul were filled with contempt. She brought up her knee roughly under Hermione's crotch, and watched as the girl gasped and straightened even more against the wall.

"You'd rather fuck a blood-traitor than fuck me?"

Hermione didn't say anything, but furrowed her brow even more.

"Weasley," Pansy said for clarity. "I know you love him." There was silence at this, and then Hermione spoke a lucid "I don't love him."

"Don't lie to me, Granger," Pansy said bitterly, moving her face closer to the other girl's. "I know what someone in love looks like. You wander around like an idiot. A sad idiot." It was true, Hermione had that same look on her face that Pansy knew well when she looked at herself in the mirror. The look of unrequited love. "But you don't have to worry, Granger," she moved in to whisper into Hermione's ear. "because I know he'd want to fuck you, too."

There was a long pause as Pansy stayed in close proximity to the other girl's ear, breathing on it softly and resisting a large temptation to run her tongue around the soft skin. This is the position she'd dreamed herself taking place in many a time, but she couldn't do anything; she was frozen. Frozen as if in a dream, but in her dreams she would definitely do otherwise. Then, out of nowhere, Hermione spoke in a loud, strong tone.

"I'm in love with Harry."

Pansy pulled back and loosened her grip on Hermione's wrists – but only for a moment as she regained her composure. She knew that Harry and Ginny had an incredibly tight relationship, and from what she could see there was no way Hermione could (or _would, _for that matter) break it up. The feeling that Hermione was feeling she herself knew all too well. Pansy felt as if all hope of ever having a relationship with Hermione had been sucked out of her heart, and the prospect of force to fulfill her emotions crossed her mind for a split second.

But this wasn't lust, it was love. She was quite stronger than the mudblood, but she would never force Hermione to do anything because it would just make Pansy feel worse in the end, even after the satisfaction of flesh.

The Slytherin then did something completely unexpected to both parties, and dropped the other girl's wrists and backed up so Hermione could leave. Hermione's eyes widened at this sudden freedom, and only hesitated for a moment before hastily shoving her fallen books into her bag. She stood up and looked Pansy straight in the eye, with a look as if to say, "Why?" Pansy gave a small smile and said "See you around, Granger." The Gryffindor narrowed her eyebrows and made quickly for the door.

It was hard to think that just a moment ago Pansy had been merely centimeters away from the object of her desire, and now she was fleeting away, falling from her grasp. That fact didn't bother her, though, Pansy thought deviously, because Pansy could _make_ Hermione love her. Any time she had that middle-of-the-night craving for the girl, she could have it. And eventually, Pansy was convinced, Hermione would fall in love with her. Why? Because Pansy has a bit of information about Hermione that no one else knew, a fact that Hermione would do anything to keep secret, a fact that could potentially ruin the lives of the whole golden trio and cause havoc on all friendships: The fact that she was in love with Harry Potter. And after spending enough time with Pansy, Hermione would have no choice but to love the one that loves her. Pansy was sure of it.


End file.
